Sunday, December 26, 2010

you do have other options!

I watched two documentaries this weekend. One titled "regretters" and another titled " Born in the wrong body: A change of heart".  They were both very eye opening. And they both drove home the point that retransitioning and transition regret is much more common then what is reported.  The stories of the people on these documentaries is something all transgender people should listen to before they transition.

One man transitioned to being a women and lived that way for 19 years before he realized he made a mistake. He spoke about what a relief it was when he retransitioned and started living as male again.

The more I dig into this, the more I realize that transition is not the answer for most of the people that call themselves transgender. So many people I know are so obsessed with transition, or the fact that they are unable to do it, and they don't realize how unhappy they have become.

There is one person in particular that I am thinking about tonight. He was such a strong and beautiful women. He loved dressing up and being that women that could do all kinds of things in heals. He had a happiness to him that I have not seen since he came out as FTM. He had a peace about him and a growing sense of confidence that was apparent to all those around him.

You know, I've thought for a long time that I wouldn't feel authentic or truly happy until I transitioned and started living as male full time. But what I've discovered is that all I had to do was surrender and let go of the internal conflict I was experiencing. I had to let go of the gender binary and the idea that I had to be either male or female. All I had to do was let go and simply be myself. I don't need surgery or life threatening hormones to be me! All I had to do was let go. It's my hope that I can help other people to see that this is an option for them...that they don't have to destroy their bodies, families, and careers. Transition is only appropriate in cases where true dysphoria exists. Stop and think before you make a desicion you will regret!

Friday, December 24, 2010

The real statistics...

The DSM-IV quotes a prevalence of roughly 1 in 30,000 assigned males and 1 in 100,000 assigned females seek sex reassignment surgery in the USA.

GID is a rare disorder.

But what about those childhood memories I have?

One very common thing I've heard when a transman comes out is "I look back at my childhood and so many things make sense now". They then go on to bring up examples of times they wanted to be a boy and activities they engaged in that were considered "boyish".   These memories are then used to prove that the person did experience "dysphoria" as a child and on some level always wanted to be a boy. There are many problems with this logic!

 It is very very common for a child to have times where they desire to be the opposite sex. Think about it. A little girl watches her brother play baseball and do all these other fun boyish things. She thinks they look fun and would like to participate....but the message she gets from society and maybe her parents is that these are "boy" things and she shouldn't want to do them. The little girl then wishes she were a boy so she could do these fun things her brother gets to do.  She really doesn't have a problem with being a girl and is not  experiencing any form of dysphoria. What she is having a problem with is the way society has defined her gender role.

When I came out to people as FTM is was very common for the person I was coming out to to say things like  "I've thought about this before, or when I was a little girl I remember  Thinking I wanted to be a boy".  These feelings are very very normal for people who are typically gendered.   A lot of it has to do with the male dominated society we live in and the negative impact this has on little girls.

The 2 people I know that I think are truly trans had very different childhood memories. They talk, not about WANTING to be a little boy, but about how they WERE a little boy. They talk about deep feelings of hatred toward their body parts and extreme depression over having these parts. They didn't have to wait to meet someone that was trans before they realized it....they always knew they were transgender. And knowing this about themselves caused conflict in their life from a very early age.

Thursday, December 23, 2010


Most of the transmen I know talk often of their "dysphoria". Funny thing is, for most of them this dysphoria is only discovered AFTER they come out. This is the common progression that I have seen; Someone who is a bit of a "Tomboy" and enjoys wearing mens clothes learns about transition or meets someone that is FTM identified. They then get plugged into the FTM energy. They decide that they might be FTM and want to try to pass as male.  In order to pass they buy binders, packers etc.  They then believe that the desire to wear these products is a result of dysphoria. When actually, it's a desire to "pass".  

True Gender Dysphoria is something that is very clear in a persons life from the time that they are very very young. A female bodied child my become obsess with the idea that she will "grow" a penis. A male bodied child may talk  about cutting off their penis. A teenage female bodied person will refuse to leave the house when puberty begins because of the growth of her breasts. It's not something that is subtle or "deeply hidden". When a person is really experiencing Dysphoria it's intense and present in every stage of their life. To often I hear transman talk about how they "berried" their dysphoria, or about how they only "discovered" their feelings of dysphoria after meeting a transperson. This is not dysphoria! This is something that was created. Sometimes, I think, Whether a conscious choice or not, it is created to help a person feel secure in their trans identity.

This constructed dysphoria has a horrible impact on a person's self esteem. I've watched people who have no real problems with their bodies convince themselves that something is wrong.

One of my friends who I believe is truly trans said something to me when I first started to identify as trans... As I told him my plans to put off transition until after I was secure in my teaching job, he said "well, it's nice that you can do that" Most of us cannot put it off.  That really made me think,If I were truly trans, and was truly experiencing dysphoria, I would not be able to wait. The power of the dysphoria would be so strong it would effect my ability to function.

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Becoming female again

I want to start with a short and simple blog to introduce myself, and give a general disclaimer to the trans community. 

I once considered myself to be an FTM trans person. I spent about five years living part time as a male. I desired to transition and looked forward to starting T and having top surgery. I got very close to making that dream come true and was then knocked on my ass by reality!

Something compelled me to do hard research on the trans issue. I explored it from all sides and looked at the evolution of transition over the past four decades. What I discovered scared me! As I continue to blog, I'll get more into my research findings...but for now I want to keep this short and sweet.

I also began to research the medical aspects of transition and was, again, shocked by what I discovered. There are many very negative aspects of transition that are kept from us and I hope that through this blog I can begin to expose some of these dangers.

I've also experienced a shift in the way that I understand Identity, gender, and the social construct of "dysphoria".

Before I go ahead with any more posts about these issues, I want to say a word to the trans community. I do believe that real dysphoria exists and that transition is warented in some cases. I believe that GID is being way WAY over diagnosed and several people are losing their true authentic selves as a result. Out of the hundreds of transmen that I have met in person and listened to on youtube...I can only think of 2 that actually meet the criteria of GID, and I believe for them transition was the only way. For the rest of the transmen that I have known I feel that they have been mislead and will later regret their transition.  It is not my intention to offend anyone.  I just want to educate and inform.

I want to thank Dirt for being one of the first brave souls to begin to tackle this subject. Although we do differ on a few key points, I believe that she is coming from the right place and wants to reach out and help people before they make a huge mistake. was your blog that prompted my research...Thank you!

Take care!,